Hurt
by Skoellya Seyth
Summary: Batman reflects on his past mistakes when dealing with people close to him, after he loses someone else. Not a death fic. Please read and review. Rated for safety.


**Ok, this piece is inspired by 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash (hence name), which has got to be the most depressing song I have ever heard and I had a phase of listening to _Coldplay_ when I went to sleep… Truly brilliant though. I seriously recommend watching the video; it's just him and his guitar and is by far the best music video I have seen. Not to be watched if you are in a bright mood though. So obviously this is going to have some angst in.**

**This is about Batman thinking through his past mistakes and knowing our big guy it's not exactly going to be cheerful, but could there be hope? Or I could be mean. To be mean or not to be mean: _that_ is the question.**

**Disclaimer: Bingo! I have discovered a magic formula that will… oops left it in the kitchen. Um, I guess they're not my characters**

xxx

Batman thought back over the past years. He couldn't help it. His brain worked constantly on overdrive and after this evening he couldn't help but compare. It was his fault. He always let his family down when they needed him. He hurt them because he wanted to hurt himself. To make sure he could still feel the pain. To make sure he was still real, still vulnerable. Not a phantom created by the Bat.

He was too weak to defend his parents, standing there helpless and alone in crime alley as the pearls rolled into the gutter, the gunshots ringing in his ears. Where he had sworn to himself it would never happen again. Never again. Yet he had lost his family again and it was always his fault.

When Dick needed his understanding as he tried to grow up he panicked, the _Batman_ scourge of the criminal underworld panicked, and threw it back in his face, taking Robin away from him, giving it to someone else. It had taken his near death to bring Dick back but he'd never regained some of that absolute confidence Dick had had in his judgement. It was never the same.

Jason he had failed miserably. When he had seen him almost unrecognisable in the rubble, it made his blood boil with rage at himself. How could he do this? Put some of the dearest people to him in the firing line because of some misguided sense of vigilante justice. Whatever he did would never be enough.

Alfred left him for a time and then returned but how could he expect so much of his loyal friend? Alfred deserved more. How many times had he taken him for granted, the servant always there when needed, prepared for every eventuality. How long would it be before one of his enemies thought to lash out against him?

Everyone around him had sacrificed so much for his cause… Jason his life, Barbara the use of her legs and Tim had given up the gift of a normal life in this insane world. Tim had sought it out and Bruce should have stopped him. He lost his father to an enemy who should never have been given that opportunity. His fault, never could he let Tim blame himself.

He had heard people wish they could be like him, fight the darkness in the city, but he would not wish this on anyone. He would give up his existence willingly if someone wanted to deal with his problems for him, the loneliness and the pain that once had been healed but was now a rotting wound, stinking of bitterness. The eternal struggle with the Joker that wouldn't end until either one was dead. The responsibility of finding the solutions to every puzzle presented to him, the trust his family gave him with their lives which he had failed again and again.

He'd been in the cave that evening with Selina, listening while she talked to him about various subjects, ranging from her work in the East End to what Lucius had been talking about at the last charity ball he had hosted. Simple things often escalated into something much worse he had discovered. He had made a small innocuous comment which had somehow made her furious with him.

'Why do you always do this Bruce?' He honestly didn't know and sat frozen staring at the computer screen.

'Why do you shut everyone who cares about you out?' He couldn't answer. He couldn't.

'We've been playing this game for years,' He moved his head slightly to glance at her as he heard her voice soften. 'Maybe back in the beginning I might have had a chance getting through to you. But not now you've been the damn Bat for so many years…'

As he heard her sigh, he turned and met her gaze. He could tell what was coming and he felt numb. Selina kissed him lightly and walked back to the bikes. She smiled sympathetically and called quietly, 'Bye Bruce.'

xxx

"_What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end and you could have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt."_

**Yeah, I was mean. Hope you enjoyed and please review. Thank you for reading.**


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